Three Single Women
On Sunday morning, three single women attended church . They noticed a man they had never seen before in the service. So, after the service they went up to him to speak to him.
The first woman said: We have never seen you here before. Are you new to the area? He said. The reason you haven’t seen me is that I have been in jail for thirty years.
The second woman asked, What were you in for? He said, I killed my wife.
Then, the third woman said, Oh, then that means you are single, doesn’t it?
Giving Directions
A traveling salesman got lost driving around in a rural area looking for a farmer named Mr. Brown. Eventually he came to an intersection where five small country roads came together. There he saw an old man sitting on his front porch, so he stopped his car to ask directions. He asked the man, “how do I get to farmer Brown’s farm from here?”
The old man thought a minute and then said, “Well you go East from here about 3 miles, turn left and go about 6 miles, turn right and go 2 miles. Wait a minute, that won’t work!
No, you go West 7 miles, turn right and go 10 miles, turn left and go 3 miles. Wait! No! that’s not it!
Iv’e got it. You go South 2 miles, turn right, go 6 miles, turn right again. No! Wait! That’s farmer Smith’s place.
After trying two or three more times to give directions, he said, “Young fella, you can’t get there from here, you have to go somewhere else to start!”
Grave Humor
A man was walking through a cemetery at night. He did so because he thought this would be a shortcut to get home. As he was walking along he inadvertently fell into an open grave that had been dug the day before. He tried to get out every way he could think of but to no avail. So he decided to sit down at the end of the grave and wait for daybreak when he was sure he could get someone to help him out.
After a little while, another man came along and fell into the other end of the grave. The other man tried everything possible to get out also, but he didn’t succeed either.
The first man quietly watched the second man for a while. Then he said, “You can’t get out of here!” BUT HE DID!